evitae.net

People keep confusing me with other students on campus this year. Today has to have been the third time. What was worse this time around, was her nonchalance about it. Sorry just doesn’t cut it for me. Ask me my name and use it in a sentence acknowledging your mistake. Maybe then I’ll believe your apology.

Now that I think about it, it’s probably the fault of karma. A couple of weeks ago, I confronted a girl in the dining hall because I thought she was this one trashy chick from Temple University. As embarrassing as it was to have confused a genuinely nice girl with one of the most unladylike females I’ve ever known, I stood there and talked to her until I knew who she was. It was then that I realized I’d had a class with her just last spring.

Embarrassment is a far easier a thing to deal with than pissing someone off. That girl had better hope we never have a class together. The sad truth of the matter is that we probably already have. As she went upstairs I heard her murmuring to her friend something about the two of us (being myself and the girl she had confused me with) “look[ing] alike anyway.” While I can see the resemblance, her refusal to hone up to her mistake is intolerable. She didn’t even wait until I was out of range to cough up that crap.

There’s a subtext of race here, which is probably why it offends me so much to begin with. For the longest time I had only ever heard it said that East Asians, regardless of their diverse cultural groups, are virtually indistinguishable, which is, obviously, bullshit. Yet, as I have gone through college, I have heard every other race make the same claim about others. It absolutely infuriates me that people could be so insensitive and blind to anyone that doesn’t fit in their own cultural group. Open your fucking eyes, people.

Of course, everything at the moment pisses me off. Having started my monthly red bag of fun yesterday, I am suffering from the worst hormonally charged mood swings that I have ever experienced. One moment I am apathetic, as per usual, and the next I am in tears, ready to punch somebody’s light’s out if they so much as bat an eye at me. There is no logical reasoning in my head. It is strictly impulse that breeds these ridiculous emotions.

Lately none of my symptoms have been typical. Whereas before I always knew it was coming by the distinct, dull pain in my lower back or the occasional subtle migraine, these days I never can tell. I guess it makes sense that as you get older and exposed to new environments and experiences, you can’t possibly ask your body to maintain a sense of consistency, but it would be nice. Sometimes I want the certainty of counting the days down on a calendar, but birth control is just another expense I do not care to take on at the moment. Looks like I’ll just have to stick with the crazies for now.

It seems to have been a long week, but as always, the weekend passes as quickly as it comes. The constant rain, combined with mother nature’s monthly gift, certainly didn’t help matters. Bodily fatigue and dreary weather are an instant invitation to dreamland. I feel like I’ve been asleep this entire weekend. Most of my remaining waking hours were spent eating or playing board games. I haven’t been very productive at all.

That being said, this looks to be a challenging week, but if I plan my time efficiently (which I haven’t taken the initiative to do yet this semester) I’m sure I will be fine. It’s just a matter of organization, of keeping myself grounded in my work instead of my emotions. At the very least, I’m proud that my room has been clean for about a week now. That’s a sure step in the right direction if I’m going to continue working in my room.

As much as I’d like to get started now, I think it’s better that I get some rest and wake up early tomorrow to tackle these tasks. I have thought of myself to be most productive at night, but I think I need to change that because that does not appear to be true anymore. I am going to spend these next few days experimenting with a new way of working and really dedicate myself to it. I will not fall behind. Hesitance is not an option.