evitae.net

I thought this summer would be a lot easier, happier, and meaningful this year, but the positivity and joy I had in the beginning is quickly waning to nothing. The few bursts of happiness I experience are reserved for the moments I spend with my boyfriend, but nowadays that’s only after he so patiently pries me out of increasingly frequent emotional slumps. I attribute them to my job, to being away from home, to the limited correspondence I have with my sister, and the negative emotional influence she has on my mother (and therefore me), my health, the time of the month, hunger, and above all, boredom, but honestly I don’t know what the hell it is. I tried to ignore it for a while by indulging in my more artistic hobbies, but I keep getting a barrage of negativity in that area as well, both spoken and unspoken, external and internal. I seem to have momentarily lost my spark. I’ve never been the type to give up though, so I’m still trying. Maybe I’m just dramatizing this moment of acute sadness and loneliness because it’s the only means I have to deal with it right now. In realizing that, I feel a little better already.

Often I will cite the fact that I am no longer surrounded by a plethora of artistic individuals (at least not knowingly, as I believe all humans are inherently creative) as the reason for why I have been in such a slump lately. I find inspiration everywhere, but I am usually by no means successful at putting any of it to good use.

Today I might have discovered a solution, although it again relates to my academic endeavors as I have to interview him for a class. I’m visiting an old friend from high school, a cartooning teacher that I spent many an afternoon with amongst my peers. Being around him, the other students, and everything they represented at the Community Arts Center, I was constantly inspired and creatively active. Maybe today can serve as some sort of resurgence of that era.

It’s been a long time since I did anything creative that didn’t have some academic function. I haven’t sat down and drawn for myself, and least of all, I have not made any efforts to redesign this website. Ideally, that’s about to change very soon. I’ve been constructing some sketches for the next design (often during class) and I’m pretty happy with my ideas so far.

It’s very spring oriented, and my influences come from a variety of sources, especially Melissa’s website, GuitarAngel.net. I won’t reveal now what exact features of her site have influenced me, but I will consider adding my sketches as a homage to the creative thought process. It’s going to take a while, so bear with me. For now, I bid you adieu.